STARTED AT 7
BITCHES LEVELING UP
IM HERE LIKE
DONE THAT ALREADY
gonna be a good session
it has no name
has more spells
half past now
the kingdom is called Ketallia… Quetalia… Cetalia…
elven lands to the north east
tom knows about shit in bondell, its a dock town some big wig wizard lives there.
tom has eaten loads of fucking Profiteroles (didnt google for the spelling)
head to bronson, we want hydra reward (fucking mckee trying to leave us!!)
speak to guard
tells us to see the captain of the guard called… DONDRÉ
PLS. I WANT NEW LONGBOW
COMPOSITE WITH MANY DAMAGES
he gave us 3000g
WE MADE DANK BANK
hear some rumours
greeners king has basically been Theoden’d
gonna go save him
arrive at city
guards to tell us to not cause trouble
owl kicks off
greener has been fired from his job in the kings guard
where is the job center is this city?
NEED MY FUCKING BENEFITS
guards told us where we can find brothels and taverns and shits
wouldnt let us through the gate though
we find tonnes of whores
tom wants to bang a dwarf
how much to wear you like a glove
changes his mind
casts ray of frost
bouncers fucking mad
basically thought it would be too awkward having chris cyber with him with all of us watching
so he fucking KICKED OFF
half orc bouncers tackle him to the floor
gets punched for 1 hp
we pay 100gp to the FUCKING NARKS
gnomes man fucking pieces of shit
doesnt even have a penis
go into big daves tavern
mckee asks another band of adventurers if any of them are in a band
(we miss you seb)
none of them are
they show a map to us about treasures beneath the city
guarded by terrifying creatures.
hulk hogan is here too.
big dave introduces himself
keeps the drink flowing
fucking big dave. more like BIG LAD
ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE INNER WALL
greener speaks with some beast from the guard
alfred his second in command basically disappeared
king has fucked off too
greener contemplating sneaking through the super secret side entrance
d&d 3.5 with splinter cell expansion, sam fisher!!
greener is moving silently down the super secret alleyway
guards being mad that they guarding a shit door
(wives and whores, the dream confirmed?)
greener goes up to them to fake his way in
why are you here?
if i told you id have to kill you
greener rolls a 20 to bluff
gets past the guards
greener sneaks in
and wants to get a drink.
5gp for the drink
greener finally done with his shit
we order breakfast from BIG DAVE LAD
mckee has halal full english
seeing the map the adventurers gave us
we need red capes.
we buy red capes.
absolute fucking bargain.
i buy a nice rug
i have a rug now.
greener plans shit
gives me a dagger
so fucking ready.
FUCKING READY FOR THIS SHIT
greener cant lie his way out of this one
we hit shit
i dont do a whole lot of damage
we be FIGHTIN NOW
so rolls and shit
not a whole lot to write about. killin shit etc.
just realised we’re killing guards
in greeners city
this can only end well.
dog rips a guards head off
other guard is basically fucked
ITS INTERROGATION TIME
COME ON GRAB YOUR SACKS
WE’LL MAKE EM WET
AND WATER BOARD
tbh think very few of us watch adventure time so ill end that bit here
basically tells us some fun shit
store the bodies in barrels i think? or tom dissolved them with acid, either way, dealt with them. no idea about the blood on the floor, just another day in feindall i guess \o/
we sit in a tavern and chill for a bit, wait for the guard change to try and get further into the castle
we bluff our way in
tom is a great liar
also has a snake* that makes him even better at lying
fucking lie our way in
did actually play a quick game of fifa during this bit because my character sorta just does whatever is fun, these guys so far have proposed pretty fun shit so i didnt have a whole lot to roleplay. FUCKIN ELVES AND SHIT.
we make our way through the castle
cleric molests me to go up the stairs
molested by numerous papers
kings quarters holy shit
lets molest it
so weird that the theoden scene is on peoples mind when i mentioned it earlier in the log
guess its not so weird cos we love cool films.
greener basically wants to molest the king
let the molestation begin
king is fucking talking some shit
kings guard was tainted? holy shit the DRAAAAAAAAAMA
shadowfell forest is working in different ways
not attacking in the conventional sense
…it has begun to taint (molest?) the minds of people
the snake is german
jesus fucking christ
AUF WEIDERSAAAANE (i dont speak german dont even)
the cleric is now called pedro
his story should become very interesting
LADS ON TOUR
but no for real
man this is some old shit
kinda hard to immerse my self in being this far in the past when im using fucking 21st century tech to play it but whatever ill get over it
the kings patrons are mercs
replaced the kings guard cos theyre corrupt
we get red passes
no more murdering guards
TEMPLE DISCOVERED BY TRIBAL CLAN IN THE FOREST?
POWER HAS BEEN TAPPED
ALL THE KING KNOWS
LETS US INTO THE ARMORY
still though king is a bit shady..
we get +1 of everything
im pimped as fuck
so is everyone else
but +11 to attack rolls fucking ell
back to the tavern to see that band of adventurers from before
BIG DAVE THOUGH
full swing of partying
GNO GNOB GNOME HAHAHA WRECKED BY BIG DAVE
one might say molested by banter.
HAHAH HE SAID UNMOLESTED AGAIN HAHAHAHAHAHHA
we find the cave, didnt get mugged in the slums
find green cum
tom detects magic
waiting for the verdict
hurry chris ad lib faster FUCK
oo its magical.
the magic emanating from this green goo is nonsensical.
the magic is not of this plane
FUCKING PLANES YES
not those kind of planes though.
we throw a stone in this dark cummy fissure
its deep as fuck
we descend anyway though
we are so good.
black screens and shit
calling it gg
*the snake is called hitler
so new cave, new adventure, excite